


Darling, Everything's on Fire

by hellareyna



Category: The Society (TV 2019)
Genre: Babies, Canon Compliant, F/F, First Kiss, Hospitals, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Panic Attacks, Post-Season/Series 01
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-18 08:20:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28989144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hellareyna/pseuds/hellareyna
Summary: Becca finds out about the coup from Kelly. She tries to figure out what her life looks like now.
Relationships: Kelly Aldrich/Becca Gelb
Kudos: 5





	Darling, Everything's on Fire

Becca woke up in the hospital. This was not unusual. She had been there for a week now. She remembered that when her neighbor in West Ham had had a baby she had come home from the hospital just two days after the birth. That was in another world. A world with obstetricians and nurses, not teenagers playing doctor delivering babies. 

Her neighbor, Margaret, had had a husband as well. They took care of their little baby Edith together. On weekends Becca had babysat Edith while Margaret and her husband went to the movies or dinner parties. When she babysat she imagined what it would be like to have a baby of her own that she would rock to sleep just like Edith.

She had always wanted to be a mother. She even had a list of names on her phone: Ruth, Elijah, Constance, Annie. Becca had wanted to give a baby the perfect life her mother could never give. She just hadn’t expected that baby to come so soon.

Back home Becca would have been waiting for a big envelope to come in the mail. Maybe she would have applied to UConn or maybe she would have been brave and ventured out of state. Maybe she would have decided to take a gap year and work so her mom wouldn’t go into debt sending her only child to college. Or maybe she would have been in the exact same place she was now, lying in a hospital bed still feeling the pain of nine months of missed periods. 

She didn’t like to think about the “what ifs.” They never gave her anything more than more anxiety. There was no way to know that maybe if she had been back at home back in her real home she wouldn’t have made the same mistake. Her gym teacher had told her in tenth grade that sex ed was the most important class a student could ever take and that remembering to use protection was the most important lesson. 

Somehow when there was absolutely no backup plan available and nobody there to help her, she made that cardinal mistake. Now here she was, not waiting by her mailbox or finishing up a safety school application after her dream school denied her, but instead lying in a hospital bed. She laid on her side and watched the bassinet across from her and Eden watched her right back. 

Here was a baby that she had pushed out of her body less than a week ago and somehow she was sad she wasn’t still in high school. Childbirth. How’s that for a senior project? 

Here she was in the hospital with a baby of her own and she had only just turned eighteen. And she was alone, that was unusual. Sam had left a few hours ago or maybe that had been the day before? She wasn’t very sure of time anymore. 

The hospital had no windows and when she wasn’t nursing or changing Eden she was trying to get in a few precious moments of rest. She had drifted off while Sam was telling her he was leaving to see Grizz.

She had been so exhausted she could barely sign anything back to Sam. Not even to ask him why on earth he had suddenly started spending time with Grizz Visser. He had been part of the pop guard always stationed at the Pressman’s where Sam and Becca had been staying. 

They had all been friendly with one another there. But there were still invisible lines that hadn’t been crossed. Becca knew Luke was always trying to protect them but she didn’t see herself running to go hang out with him and Helena as soon as she could walk properly.

She was curious when Sam and Grizz had crossed that line. It must have been before Thanksgiving. Why else would Grizz have spoken with Sam first when Allie had also been in the hospital that night? Didn’t he have some sort of guard duty to the mayor?

She pushed the thoughts away as Eden began her crescendo into what would likely be another meltdown. Newborns didn’t do much but they certainly knew how to scream. 

Becca tried to stand up to reach where her baby laid in the bassinet. She sat with her feet planted on the ground, but she could not stand. Again she pushed herself up using her hands to boost into a standing position. All she could do was scream out in curses she hoped Eden wouldn’t remember.

“Becca, when I said to call for me if you need anything I wasn’t joking.”

Becca turned her neck to see Kelly was walking towards her and Eden, “I don’t need anything though,” She said as she groaned in pain once more.

Kelly rolled her eyes and grabbed Eden out of her bassinet but not before stopping just to admire the baby, “She really is beautiful, Becca. You should be proud of yourself.”

“For creating a beautiful baby?” Becca joked as Kelly sat down next to her and put the baby, who began to calm down from the touch of her mother, in her arms.

“I don’t know, it’s just everyone always talks about how horribly ugly childbirth is and how newborns look like old men, but I don’t see it. This has been so beautiful and your baby girl is really a miracle. I think I finally understand that whole miracle of life they tried to teach us back in fifth grade.”

Becca laughed, “Yeah, you say that but you weren’t the one pushing the miracle of life out of your vagina.”

“Well, you weren’t the one looking directly at the miracle of life being pushed out of your vagina,” Kelly joked back.

Becca faked annoyance, “Hey, are you calling my vagina ugly?”

Kelly laughed nervously then she noticed Becca’s faltering seriousness and both girls began laughing hysterically. Eden gurgled along with them.

“Oh no,” Becca muttered to herself.

“What?” 

Kelly may be some ob-gyn in training now but there were a few things that Becca already understood about motherhood that Kelly had yet to learn. One of those things was that when Eden began to make a sound like a fountain that she was about to become a fountain of her own.

Becca repositioned Eden so that her chin sat on her mother’s shoulder while she still supported the baby’s neck, “Kelly, please get me a rag or a towel or something.”

Kelly had a look of recognition cross her face. This baby was about to spit up all the way down Becca’s back unless Kelly moved quickly. Kelly grabbed a towel sitting on one of the nearby beds. It may not be clean but it would do the job.

“Here you go,” Kelly spoke softly as she placed the hand towel on Becca’s shoulder. 

“I don’t understand. I haven’t fed her for a few hours so I don’t even know what she would be spitting up,” Her stomach dropped, “I haven’t fed her for hours. God, I’m a terrible mother, Kelly. What if this isn’t spit up and she’s sick?” She felt as if she was about to sob.

“Relax, relax okay?” Becca tried to squeeze in her tears and she held her baby closer to her chest as if to protect her from herself, “I fed her with some formula while you slept. I didn’t want to wake you after what a stressful day this has been, but I knew Eden still needed to be following her feeding schedule.”

Becca relaxed for a moment then tensed once more, “Stress? All I've done today is sleep, eat, nurse, change diapers, and then repeat. What stress are you talking about?”

Kelly had the same expression that Becca had had back in sixth grade when she had told Carla that Ryan had invited her to his boy girl birthday party. She had said something she wasn’t supposed to say. Which meant Kelly had been keeping secrets from Becca. Possibly big secrets.

“Just the stress of having to take care of our little bundle of joy here all by yourself while Sam is gone.” Kelly was avoiding eye contact with Becca and instead was cooing at the baby in her arms.

“Kelly, I’ve pushed a person out of me. Whatever you think I can’t handle, I can handle. I’m not fragile.”

Kelly kept looking at Eden as if the more she ignored Becca then maybe she would just disappear. She continued to play peek-a-boo with the baby that was too young to understand the game yet. Becca had taken AP psych with Kelly back when AP classes were a thing. She _knew_ that Kelly _knew_ Eden barely understood anything in the world beyond food and sleep, and yet Kelly was trying to pretend everything was normal. 

Becca tugged the baby out of the other girl’s reach as much as she could without exerting herself too much, “Tell me the truth, Kelly. I’ve been stuck in here for days, what’s happening out there? Don’t bullshit me.”

“The expedition came back.”

Becca interrupted, “That’s all? I know that. Sam is meeting with Grizz right now.”

“There’s more,” Kelly shook her head, “Like so much more.”

She saw the terror in her eyes and the unspoken words that were trapped in her throat. They lived in a town where the military-police wore letterman jackets and the pastor had been a runner-up for homecoming queen. Anything was possible.

Kelly finally just spat it out, “There was a coup. Harry and Lexie are co-mayors now. I know for a fact that Harry has been stoned every day for the past few months. He was convinced to run for mayor by Campbell so he’s probably behind this. And-”

“And?” Becca was shocked. How could there be more? She had a baby and now the entire government had fallen, “Where’s Allie? When did this happen?”

“Allie and Will are jailed somewhere, for treason. Campbell claimed that they tried to rig the election.”

Becca’s head was spinning. Things had been looking up. Kelly and Gordie were becoming more proficient in medicine. Grizz was building a garden and leading an expedition. They were becoming a real community, a society. 

“This can’t be happening. Does Sam know? Where is Sam? I need Sam.”

Becca felt herself start to shake and she didn’t know if she was breathing.

“Ok Becca,” Kelly took Eden from her arms and put her back in the crib, “I’m going to need you to breathe right now. We are going to be okay.”

Kelly looked as if this is what she had expected from Becca. She was fragile. She couldn’t handle any real news, so they had to lie to her. Of course, poor Becca would have a panic attack when confronted with reality.

“What have they done so far?” She said between her inhales.

“Work schedules are gone. Everyone has gone back to their family’s houses. Or at least Harry has kicked everyone out of his house. That’s why he was so angry in the first place, but now he’s all alone.” Kelly almost laughed to herself, “Gordie and I were waiting to tell you. We didn’t want you to be more stressed than you already were with the delivery and now a newborn.”

“I understand,” She really did, she just wished she wasn’t so vulnerable and she wished her voice hadn’t cracked as she spoke.

Becca steadied her breath and grabbed for her phone at the side of her bed. There were no messages or missed calls. Why hadn’t anybody called? Why did nobody tell her that there was a fucking coup? 

She needed Sam. She wanted to go home but that didn’t exist because she was in some parallel universe and all she had was a place that looked like home but definitely didn’t feel like home. She really wanted her mom, someone who would hold her and tell her everything would be okay, but her mom was in another universe.

Becca realized her hands were shaking as she held her phone and attempted to text Sam. 

Kelly grabbed the phone out of her hands, “Sam knows Becca, you don’t need to tell him. He’s been out there working with Gordie and Grizz hoping to find where they’re keeping Allie and Will.”

“Kelly, I don’t have a house anymore,” Becca realized she was crying as she screamed out, “I need Sam. He’s all I have.”

Not only was West Ham gone, but the place she had lived with her mom, on the outskirts of town, had probably been ransacked by now. She hadn’t been there since that first night. Since she had been dropped off in a yellow school bus thinking she was going to return to her mom. 

If what Kelly said was true then her new home might not be hers for long either. Cassandra was dead and Allie was imprisoned. Nobody could claim ownership of the Pressman’s house now. It was just waiting to be ransacked by the guard or anyone else who felt like it.

Kelly ran her hands up and down Becca’s back in an attempt to soothe her, “I need you to breathe, Becca. You need to stay strong for Eden.”

“No, I need Sam,” She repeated her cries, “And I need a house.”

“Sam has been staying at Allie’s. It’s going to be okay, keep breathing.”

Kelly might be right. Sam might have some claim. Campbell definitely wasn’t letting him back in their house, and it wasn’t as if Sam would want to be near his older brother. Campbell was dangerous and he knew too much already. 

Sam would have to claim his cousins’ house. He would live there and protect Becca and they would have somewhere safe for her baby. Eden deserved to grow up in a home without so many ghosts, but it seemed that ghosts outnumbered people in New Ham. 

“I want to go home,” She cried looking at her baby girl who was watching the world around her silently, “I want to go home.”

Eden looked so at peace. How could she raise such a perfect baby? She was the first baby in this new world, and she was being raised by a girl who didn’t even know what a proper house looked like.

Her house was where her mom used to drink to deal with her father who had left before Becca could walk. Now Eden would grow up in a home with a fake dad and a slut for a mom. Great, she thought to herself, just continuing the cycle of shitty moms and absent fathers. 

Maybe Sam would be a great father, but it wouldn’t be real. There was nothing that could hold them together for long enough to keep Eden safe. She worried Sam would realize how stupid it was to tie himself to her, a woman, and he would finally leave. She had given him so many outs and he hadn’t taken them. She had to trust him. 

There was nobody in New Ham who would love Becca now. Nobody would want a girl who had allegedly gotten knocked up by her gay male best friend. Sam had told her he had come to peace with the same for himself. He didn’t believe there was anyone for him in the two hundred or so people in the town. If he could die without real love then maybe she could too. 

Kelly grabbed her cheeks and forced her to face her thereby forcing her to stop her spiraling, “Becca, I know things are scary right now. I know you’re scared, but I’m here for you and so is Sam. We’ll be your home now.”

“I have a baby, Kelly. You have no idea how scary this is,” Becca almost shouted while Kelly held her hand.

“I know. I have no idea what any of this is like for you, but that baby,” She pointed with her hand that had been holding Becca’s face, “Has an awesome mom and an awesome dad who both love her so much. She is going to be okay I promise.”

Becca gulped, “Kelly I need to tell you something.”

She continued to hold Becca’s hand. She was rubbing circles into her thumb. It felt so much like comfort, that for a second Becca really believed everything would be okay.

“Sam isn’t the dad.”

“Excuse me?” Kelly looked stunned.

“I lied. Or I guess he lied. I didn’t want to tell anyone about the baby in the first place,”

“I remember that. Not your greatest idea,” Becca giggled a bit at that, despite the seriousness of Kelly's words.

“He knew it would be easier for me if the baby had a dad. So he became the dad.”

“You mean you two didn’t-?

“God no,” She laughed awkwardly, “Sam is gay. I’m a girl. It would never happen.”

“So who is the dad?” Kelly asked quietly.

Becca stayed silent. She hadn’t told anyone. Well, she hadn’t told anyone besides Sam that Sam wasn’t the father, so it wasn’t a long list of people who would ask. She didn’t even know how she could tell Sam. It hurt too much to say.

“I haven’t even told Sam. It happened at a party in the beginning of all this. I drank too much and I might have smoked a bit and-”

“Becca stop, you don’t have to tell me, it’s okay.”

“But I want to tell you I just, I don’t think I know how.”

Kelly’s face looked serious, “Becca, I’m not a real doctor, but I _am_ your friend and whatever you say stays between the two of us. Were you raped?”

Becca stayed silent.

“You don’t need to tell me. I just want you to know that _if_ you were raped it wasn’t your fault. Even if you drank or smoked.”

“I know that,” Becca whispered, “I just don’t like thinking about how one day my baby might look like _him_.”

Kelly pondered that for a bit, “He’s not the real father Becca,” She looked up into Becca’s eyes, “Whoever did this to you isn’t a real father. But Sam? He was there for you when you first went into labor and he’s been by your side helping every day.

“Yesterday he came in asking me if I’d done any research on formulas. I had to tell him that I hadn’t yet and the look he gave me,” She laughed to herself, “That’s what a real father does. He cares for Eden, Becca. That’s more than any douchey sperm donor has done.”

Becca felt herself smiling, “Thanks, Kelly. I didn’t realize how much I needed to hear that.”

“I told you, Becca, I care about you too.”

She was still looking into Becca’s eyes. Her eyes were a sort of greenish-blue. The color reminded her of when she’d gone on a class trip to the ocean freshman year. But the sea was cold and unforgiving and Kelly was nothing like that.

She suddenly felt herself leaning into the other girl. Her hands reached up to her light brown hair that was now in a messy bun. Somehow she was still beautiful.

They were kissing before Becca even realized what she’d done. It had been so long since she’d been kissed by someone she cared about. Kelly’s hands rested on her arms and the touch felt like sparks. She couldn’t remember the last time someone had touched her so gently. 

Then just as quickly as they’d started they stopped because Eden began to cry. They jumped apart as if the newborn would scold the girls for what they had been doing. Kelly glanced at a digital watch on her wrist and then left the room quickly.

How could she have been so stupid, Becca thought to herself. She had been lonely that was all it had been. Still, her dismissals didn’t make her forget how nice the kiss had felt. She couldn’t forget how beautiful Kelly’s eyes had looked.

“Here’s what you want my good girl,” Kelly returned with a bottle of formula and quickly picked up Eden and began to feed her.

Eden latched onto the bottle quickly and stopped crying. Her little face looked so happy. She had no idea that the society her mom had worked so hard to help built had been destroyed. All Eden knew was she was being fed warm milk and being held by a kind face.

“I thought I was supposed to be breastfeeding her,” Becca asked.

“Oh,” Kelly blushed, “I just thought since we know this has all the right nutrients and it’s not like anyone else is using baby formula.”

“That makes sense I guess. Can I hold her?  
“Sure,” Kelly handed her over, and then Becca began feeding her daughter. 

Becca sat down on the bed as she fed her. She couldn’t stop looking at her beautiful tiny face. This moment was so perfect. Nothing outside could destroy her perfect baby if she had anything to do with it.

“Why did you kiss me?” Kelly asked interrupting Becca’s thoughts.

“I don’t know,” She said honestly.

“It’s just. I’ve always dated guys and it’s been fine like Will is great, but that was...” She looked around as if the word was hidden within the room, “It felt right. Did it feel like that for you too?”

Becca nodded, “It felt safe.”

“Becca I know you have a baby. I know the world is falling apart around us. I know we might run out of food before winter is over. I know all these things but I still want to kiss you again. Knowing all those things just makes me want it more. I don’t want to waste whatever time I have left, not being with you.”

Becca nodded once again, “I want to kiss you too, but I’m kinda holding a baby right now.”

Kelly laughed and Becca noticed that she had tears falling down her cheeks. She understood the crying. Thinking too hard about the world for the past six months made her cry. It made her want to scream and break things. But while she was with Kelly it felt a little less terrifying.

“So that wasn’t a mistake?” Kelly asked as a tear fell down her chin.

Becca shook her head. Kelly smiled and sat down next to the new mother on the hospital bed. The girls smiled at one another and then Becca let Kelly lean across the baby in her arms and kiss her once more. It felt safe again.

**Author's Note:**

> I started this in May and I totally forgot about it till today. Luckily I have classwork I wanted to procrastinate on so I finished up. Hate how much this series reminds me of real life!  
> Title from Safe and Sound - Taylor Swift  
> Kudos and comments fuel my antics.


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